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There is nothing more personal, intimate, and unique in a person's life than their walk with Christ. It is the single most important relationship any of us will ever have and an experience that is going to be unique for every single person.
So why do we constantly find ourselves comparing our walk to others?
The insidious thing about comparisons is that they are rarely a conscious choice. Most of us don't start the day wondering why someone else seems to have such an easy time praying, or questioning why we don't seem to feel the spirit as strongly as the next person.
No, comparisons take us by surprise. They strike from the blindside - a sudden reaction to seeing someone else succeed where we have failed, a feeling of smugness when hearing about someone else's misstep or struggle. It's not an intentional, malicious choice, but all the same it is a destructive habit.
Comparing ourselves to others is an impulse that is rooted in insecurity. When you try to peer through the blinds at your neighbors, what you're really trying to find is validation. Proof that you're not alone in struggling, that others aren't as perfect as they seem, or if they are, it's because they have some trick that they've been keeping to themselves. Anything that will make you feel better about your own difficulties.
The trap is, no amount of comparison, favourable or unfavourable, will ever really make anyone feel better. The currency of comparison is cheap coin, and subject to inflation. The more you try to buy with it, the less its worth. When you base your self-worth on the successes or failures of others, your own value plummets.
So how to we avoid this trap? If comparison is the result of thoughtless impulse driven by insecurity, the cure rests in meditative confidence. Next time you catch yourself comparing your spiritual walk with another's, remember these points.
God made you a unique individual
You are God's unique creation. A billion tiny building blocks make up who you are as a person. From your biology, to your unique way of thinking, to the time you scrubbed your knee chasing a puppy in the park when you were seven years old, to all the other myriad little moments that make you you.
Your walk is yours and yours alone. Nobody else can wear your shoes or live your life, so why would you compare yourself to others like you've all come from the same place? Started from the same blocks at the same time? Don't wonder why others are so much further ahead, and don't turn your nose up on them when they stumble and trip. Concentrate on your own unique path as one of God's creations.
We all have our own strengths and weaknesses
One of the worst things about playing the comparison game is that it skews not only how you perceive others, but how your perceive yourself.
In psychology the Dunning-Kruger effect is a well-known phenomenon about how people perceive their own competence levels at various tasks. While the main take-away from the study is the (unsurprising) revelation that people tend to wildly overestimate their understanding about things they don't really know much about (pride is a common affliction), the study also shed light on how we ruthlessly devalue our own expertise.
Surprisingly, people with legitimately high-competence in an area tended to consistently underestimate their own abilities while also overestimate others. Because they perceived the task as easy, they assumed most others would also find it easy. At the same time, they'd fixate on the idea that because they knew others who were even better at the task than themselves, they must not have such a great handle on it at all.
We all have things we're good at and things we're bad at. Comparing yourself to others though is a surefire way to trivialize your own strengths and exaggerate your failings. Instead of focusing on others, appreciate your own abilities for what they are.
Compare with purpose
If we are going to compare ourselves to others, we should at least focus on making it a positive activity rather than a destructive one.
One of my favourite sayings is "the only time you look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough." When we compare ourselves to others, it shouldn't be with a jealous craving for what they have, but a genuine desire to share what you can.
Turn your perception around. Look for ways to lift each other up than pull each other down. When you see someone succeed where you've failed, compliment and congratulate them. Instead of being consumed with jealously, be inspired by their example. When you see someone struggle, don't take it as an opportunity to step on their shoulders and feel big about yourself, take it as an opportunity to reach out and help them. Make sure your neighbour has the spiritual nourishment they need to keep up their walk with God and you'll find you feed yourself in the process.
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